So I’m guessing you’re here because you’ve listened to my BC Short, if your answer is no and you have no clue what that is then click here, but if you’ve listened already then read on…
So this is a bit more insight into the short that I shared and essentially taking people as they are really does just release a lot of pressure and expectation from the relationship as well as minimise disappointments. I’m sure you would have heard of the saying ‘don’t date potential’ ? Well this is pretty similar to that, aside from the fact that I am not purely talking about dating relationships, but relationships as a whole.
Disappointments arise from unmet expectations and sometimes you may or may not be aware of the fact that you may be placing unrealistic expectations on the relationships in your life. I read on Twitter one day a tweet that said stop expecting people to treat you how you would treat them and it actually resonated.
It’s similar to the love language principle - people love in a certain way and for the most part they automatically assume that that’s the way they will receive love back and in the majority of scenarios and relationships that is far far farrr from the case.
I am not advocating and saying that you should be letting people treat you badly, no definitely call out lovingly and firmly, disrespectful, untoward and unkind misbehaviour and if you are in established committed relationships of whatever kind, then definitely speak to your loved one(s) about expectations and the like.
One the expectation front though, it’s good to remember that people really and truly cannot give:
What they don’t know you’re expecting them to give (no one is a mind reader)
What they do not have (yet or maybe even never)
Many many years ago, as in late teens early 20’s, I was super in lurve with this guy and I always used to be so upset, discouraged and disheartened because I would do so much to overtly show that I cared about him and loved him and all, and I expected that same level of love to be shown to me. Of course that wasn’t the case and of course I was quite often disappointed.
At this time, I was a real young one, so definitely not vastly aware of relationships and the like, but I would vent to my aunties and they used to tell me ‘someone cannot give you what they do not have’… to be honest, I cannot come and lie here, but that phrase used to really wind me up because I didn’t understand it but a decade or so down the line and wow am I really starting to deep it!
I will continue the rest of this next week, but for now take people as they are and don’t try to change or make people act in a way that is not them.
Love always, B xx