Reflections of an Imperfect, No Longer Heartbroken, but Grateful, Blessed and Forever Loved Twenty Something year old...

Faith

So my favourite month is over… This month I celebrated my twenty something birthday and honestly I had the best birthday to date. Absolutely positively love my family and my friends that truly just celebrated with me. It was lovely. What a feeling it is to know that you are loved and appreciated. 

Also though honestly speaking, I did have a few lows but more recently towards the ending of the month. One thing I know for sure though is that God’s love for me never failed and never stopped even in the times when I didn’t feel it. It was funny because prior and even during the times I was feeling a little low each time I read my Bible, I kept on reading about God’s unfailing love and His tender mercies. I would even sing songs and hear sermons that spoke of and described His never ending, never changing love. 

From last year Feb to this Feb the growth in me has been real. I’m nowhere near the Bee I know I could be and most of this is partly because of me holding myself back, but I’m definitely not the Bee I was and for that I am grateful. I can actually testify that broken hearts do heal and life does go on. You can even experience life happily too! When you’re heartbroken you can’t seem to see past your present state at that time, everything seems to be viewed through a lens of hurt, shame, disappointment, frustration and rejection, so what a blessing it is to be able to come through the other side, stronger, wiser and whole again! *hallelujah* 

I’m learning to take each day as it comes. Too often I can try and mentally take on too much that I forget to embrace the now. I’m not even saying live recklessly or take the carpe diem (seize the day in Latin) to the extreme but I do want to have a good sense of the now. I want to fully appreciate the fact that God has blessed me with today and even though not every day may be exciting, still fully be present in the mundane and routine activities because they won’t last forever. 

I want to be grateful for my now. Paul wrote in the Philippians that he has learned to be content irrespective of his situation. I can’t say that I’m 100% totally at the point where in all circumstances I’m content but I’m striving for it. It takes strength and such courageous and bold faith to be content and have joy in any situation. 

Enjoying my now. Similarly to the taking each day as it comes, I want to do things that I enjoy whilst I have the opportunity to. I’m the kind of person that seriously doesn’t mind doing things alone and I definitely would say if there’s something you want to do, for example join a reading club or a hiking club or whatever it may be, then just do it. I’ve made a host of new friends and met plenty of new people by just going to events and brunches that I liked the sound of. 

Taking care of me. This may need to spill over into another post one of these days but I am seriously learning how to intentionally unwind and actively rest. I want to be able to watch a programme and not have my mind running about a list of things I need to do (that I really don’t even need to do).  I want to be able to watch a programme guilt free and rest guilt free. I want to eradicate the lie that busy-ness always equals productivity because it really doesn’t and having that mindset can be so detrimental to one’s mental and emotional health. 

I mean I could go on and on but honestly I’m grateful. It has been a beautiful month and I’m blessed beyond belief. I’m not perfect and I guess that’s one of the things I’m working on. Like most, I can be so very hard on myself and I really expect the best of myself at all times, so to not live up to my own expectations really gets to me but, I’m learning that Christ’s strength is just made all the more apparent through my weaknesses, and I’m happy that I can lean on Him and come to Him as I am - the imperfect, no longer heartbroken but grateful, blessed and forever loved twenty-something year old. 

Hope March is a great one for you. 

Lots of love, 

Bee 

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