It’s actually been a while I have written something for the Love and Relationships section of Bee Crowned, so I’m quite excited about this new series and hope that it will encourage you to think deeper about the topics that will be explored.
A friend of mine shared this website with me and I had a read through. Reading some of the posts, caused me to ponder on some things. Over the course of this series, I’ll batch the topics up into sections and then share my thoughts. The links will also be present in this post should you wish to read from the website too.
Enjoyyy! Bee xxxx
Emotional Purity/Emotional Promiscuity
Believe it or not, two years ago, I was so clueless about emotional boundaries. Now don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t as though my heart was just open to every single guy because that certainly was not the case, but to a guy who I liked and had feelings for, I genuienly just thought that in order to develop a good relationship you had to be open, honest and be yourself and therefore there were no emotional boundaries. (Please thank God with me for growth, experience, His revelation of these things to me and also godly, wise and trusted counsel).
Of course naturally one would need to be open and honest, so I’m not saying do not be open and honest in your relationships but the mistake that many make is that they become too open, too soon and without the commitment and dedication of a godly relationship. There is the assumption that the person you like, also likes you because of how much time they are dedicating to talking to you and spending time with you, but nothing has been said and in reality you are still very much only friends.
This is where not having any emotional boundaries can cause problems and lead to potential hurt because, opening up your heart to someone and sharing your fears and your dreams with them connects you in a very intimate way.
Even if physically there has been no intimacy with that person, on an emotional level, you can feel as though you are joined with that person because they know you on a soul level. What happens then if the person comes to tell you that they have found love elsewhere? Technically they can because at the end of the day you were never really with them, but what happens to your heart? What happens to your soul?
In Proverbs 4:23 we read the words King David advised to his son Solomon. “Guard your heart with all diligence for out of it flow the issues of life” i.e. it’s what in your heart that will dictate how you act, what you do. How do you think you would act if your heart was broken because you naively opened it up to someone too prematurely and not within the confines of a godly relationship? #foodforthought
Reading this article yesterday really caused me to reflect on this topic a lot more. It even made me think more about the words that are said. At times, especially when we really like someone, we may want to say lovely, heart warming words and phrases that mean a lot and carry plenty of weight. One thing we can forget in these moments is the fact that our words are so powerful. Especially with those who have a love language of words of affirmation, hearing sweet words all the time could potentially lead to feelings becoming deeper and deeper….
It’s great to get to know new people because if you don’t talk to people then how would you meet someone (lol) on the same token, it’s important to:
1) Have good people around you
Don’t try and do this on your own. We were not made to be alone but to live in fellowship and community with one another. The part of your back you can’t reach to itch, a friend can do it for you. (hehe) Likewise, the parts and aspects you cannot see in a person because your judgement may be a tad cloudly because of your feelings, a trusted friend or family member may be able to see and inform you.
Having good, godly, trusted people around you is also beneficial because they can pray for you and with you regarding future relationships.
2) Not assume
I am so certain that assumption has caused so much palava for people. Do not assume! If feelings and intentions have not been made clear, if the relationship has not been defined then do not assume.
3) Stay connected to Him
Read this verse recently and it really just stuck with me. Keep connected to Him. God knows the plan and order for our lives. As much as we may try to control our lives and determine what path we should take, God has already predestined this for us. Keep your mind, your heart and your soul on Him and on doing that which He set forth for you to do. Trust Him.
For those who have been hurt by something like this, have a listen to this podcast where my sis Kika and I talk Emotional Wounds and Emotional Healing.
I’m going to leave it here for now and I hope you have been blessed by this post. Would be great to hear from you! Let me know what your thoughts are. Do you agree with the above? Do you have a story on emotional boundaries that you would like to share? E-mail me :)
Other articles I found interesting were:
- 12 Signs She/He Secretly Likes You
- How to Let a Christian Guy know you’re interested - This article really made me giggle lol.
I’ll be exploring the above two topics soon! lol
Love and hugs,