I say it often but it’s true – when you’re going through it, you always think “Lord how am I going to get through this? How am I going to get over him?? I love him so much God why did this have to happen?” and to be honest with you, I’ve been in this scenario a couple of times but I can truly testify and proclaim that in due season, there is freedom, liberty of spirit, healing, renewal and restoration. There is most certainly life after heartbreak.
So several years ago, there was this one guy lol and looking back on it now, I can say that from the get go this particular pairing was dysfunctional. At the time being young, impressionable, naïve, not as spiritually and emotionally mature as I’m grateful to be now, and generally just by having a lack of knowledge and understanding, it was simply a matter of boy likes girl, girl likes boy so that’s all there is to it. Hosea 4:6
As I look back on that particular relationship, I realise that I equated feeling happy with God agreeing with my decisions and choices. I felt as though if I’m happy then of course God will be happy because He wants His children to be happy. Little did I know that emotions don’t pave the way to make great choices. The human heart is selfish and geared towards fulfilling its own selfish desires and youthful lusts. Jeremiah 17:92 Timothy 2:22
Anyway as I said before, the relationship was dysfunctional and despite the many vain fruitless efforts I put in, the relationship could have never worked anyway. Why? Well for one we were unequally yoked. 2 Corinthians 6:14
Now I’m not saying that I was perfect then or that I am now in fact, but despite my lack of understanding and my very young relationship with Christ, I still knew Jesus to be Lord and Saviour. On the other hand, the guy, despite growing up in a Christian household, hadn’t really taken that step and therefore led a lifestyle that was very much in contrast to mine.
The danger in such an unequal pairing is that it can only be unequal for so long. It will either get to a place where one person realises that they can no longer compromise their beliefs, whatever they may be, for the sake of the other and therefore leave or one person in the relationship will influence the other to adopt their own practices - there cannot be two masters in a relationship. Amos 3:3 Matthew 6:24
During the time I was speaking with this guy, I would read the Bible with a heart that was not open at all to receiving the truth and revelation that lay in it – so basically in a pharisaic manner, performing my duties as a “Christian girl” but not readily open to being led by the Holy Spirit. In all honesty I was just sincerely blind to the truth. I knew that love was sacrificial, I knew that love required compromise and understanding and because of the warped and distorted view that I had of love, I would indeed sacrifice and compromise but in the wrong manner. I sacrificed my entire heart, disregarding the wisdom of Solomon that so rightly exhorts that we guard our hearts and that we do not awaken love before its time. Proverbs 4:23Song of Solomon 2:7Song of Solomon 8:4
This giving of my heart literally cost me so much and caused me so much. (Another day, another blog post lol) Giving your heart away prematurely, especially to one who is unaware as to how to handle such a precious gift, can be a complete and utter disaster. But thank God for His grace that sustains and repairs, His mercy that enables forgiveness and restoration, and His love that can heal like no other.
Now in and amongst all of this, there came a time where my heart would be conflicted and troubled. My feelings were very real for this guy but at the same time I wasn’t experiencing the “peace” that I was previously experiencing with him. I had family and friends around me that would let me know their opinion and as I begun to listen and heed to the words I was hearing, it began to dawn on me that this relationship could not go on any longer. Proverbs11:14 Proverbs 12:15Proverbs 19:20
This was the breaking point. All I could think of was how I was going to say goodbye to years of investment and not even just financially but emotionally. My mind set was that of ‘how am I ever going to get this close to anyone again? How can I “love” anyone like I have “loved” this guy?’ I mean there was a lot of that and I’ll fast forward a bit here but I really and truly do not know how God did it but He did, and He literally helped me get out of the rut I put myself in. This is where the verse which asserts that God’s strength is made perfect in our weakness, really comes alive, because on my own, getting over this guy would have actually been impossible but of course with God nothing is impossible. 2 Corinthians 12:9Matthew 19:26Luke 1:37
What to take away from this post:
- Firstly I want to let you all know, especially if you’re going through a heart break at present, that there truly is life afterwards. Don’t wear the garment of shame over your head and believe that you will no longer be acceptable to others and do not let the enemy make you believe that you will be unable to find love. Jesus Christ Himself is love and once you’ve accepted and believed that you have the love of the Lord, you’ll be filled forever. John 4:14
You can read a written piece by the lovely Kanayo on hearts breaking and healing here
There is also a great post on the DesiringGod.org website which you can read here
- Secondly, discipline is going to be needed! But you need to do what you need to do! It’s not going to be easy but God’s word explains that no discipline is easy and we are encouraged in His word that we will not be faced with anything that God will not help us find a way out of. Hebrews 12:111 Corinthians 10:13
The talented Dorothy has written a piece on her website that explores getting over a heartbreak and you can read this here
- Thirdly please be wise. I will touch more on using wisdom and being spirit led not emotionally led when it comes to relationships in another post. However please watch this 5 min video where my girl Ify Alexis touches on the subject of emotional purity.
Don’t forget you can always get in touch at firstname.lastname@example.org if you would like any more information on any of the topics explored and written on this website.
Ultimately, as mentioned in my first paragraph, there is life after heartbreak. In due season, you will dance your dance and sing your song again. By His grace, you will be free of the chains that so tightly bound you down. You will love again, you will laugh again, and you will be delivered, renewed, healed and restored.